Social Intelligence, by Karl Albrecht, continued

I was listening to the news and a recent strategy by utility companies is to put on people's bills how well they're conserving energy compared to their neighbors, which caused a huge uproar in the Northwest. Well, in Social Intelligence, Karl Albrecht has a section on peer pressure, especially in regard to the behavior of teenagers. We are very susceptible to peer pressure in our lives, being the social animals that we are, so its important for parents to understand how to deal effectively with their teenagers. It quotes from some very interesting books on how best to handle your teenager who is under tremendous pressure and stress from peers. It doesn't help to ignore that pressure, but its best to acknowledge it up front, help your young person see things in a little better perspective, and give them the confidence to deal with it in a more detached way. Teenagers have extreme emotions, not just because of hormonal changes, but because of inexperience. They can use the help of adults if we give it to them the right way--not by hammering them over the head with it, but if we acknowledge who they are and talk to them with some respect and kindness about what they're living through.

A book he mentions with admiration is The Nurture Assumption, by Judith Rich Harris, who says that teenagers occupy a subculture with its own rules, and this is why children grow up with the language of their peers, not their parents. As with any subculture, our children have a world and a set of rules of their own, and our best bet is to recognize this, and provide our perspective in a dispassionate way.

My approach to the teenage years was to pass no judgments but to introduce my kids to the black and white perspective of astrology. It helps tremendously to have a chart with symbols on it that you can point to and say "you're going through a Saturn transit." Its not you, its just the passing planets. So we had a secret language together and it helped a lot.